PART 45: “SIT DOWN PIERCE BEFORE WE MAKE YOU SIT DOWN!”

‘Now calm down Pierce, let’s not get out of control’! the Govenor said calmly…….I stood there and hurled more abuse at them, screaming obscenities……The Governor looked me up and down and then in a much deeper tone of voice, like he really meant business this time he growled…..

“SIT DOWN PIERCE BEFORE WE MAKE YOU SIT DOWN!”

It was at this point I realised I was bang in trouble, 7 of them against me! I was completely out numbered, in a 10 foot by 7 foot cell, I was like a rat backed into a corner.  I remember thinking, these wankers can do what they like to me and it’ll be their word against mine, I’m going to come off second best if I’m not careful. It’s the sort of stuff you read about in the newspapers and think to yourself, I bet he deserved it. Anyway, it all calmed down and after a few stern words my cell door was banged shut and I was all alone……but I was safe, untouched and alive – much to my relief!

After it had all died down, loads of inmates came up and lifted the flap on my cell door, peering through the little peep hole they were laughing and congratulating me on my outburst, I remember one in particular saying ‘Blimey Pierce, we thought you were a bit like Huge Grant but turns out your more like Vinny Jones. I was amazed at how much respect you can get, from doing relatively little. That’s when I realized that to be something in life, it doesn’t matter how big you are or what background you come from, you can be what you want to be, achieve anything that you want, it’s all down to you and your attitude.

*** I look back on my life whilst I’m writing this and I wish that I’d used my life in a better way, instead of being the idiot that always causes trouble, playing up in school or at work. If only I’d put my head into good instead of bad, I could have had my own little Country Estate Agents with a few little offices and been somebody, somebody good too! ………Instead I upset loads of people, cost the tax payers hard earned money but above all let my parents down so badly – but more of that later ***

A couple  of days later I was off, I left Sid, Linton and many others who I knew and felt comfortable with and was moved on to my next adventure in Norfolk……I have to admit, I was fucking terrified – the only one good thing was that Roy was also coming with me – good because at least I knew him (like going to a new school) but bad because he was effeminate and not a hard man! Again we were transported in a luxurious prison van on a 6 hour journey with the heating on full blast, sitting on the most slippery seat you can ever manage to sit down on best of all, with Nigel Mansell at the steering wheel – it was the most awful journey I have ever been on, slipping and sliding all over the place in this little plastic hot coffin! While on the journey, I just thought about my three months in Brixton Prison, the comfort and the safety that I was leaving behind and the uncertainty of where I was going to…….who would ever have thought of Brixton Prison as comfortable and safe…..haha!

The months I’d spent in Brixton were great fun, some of the funniest memories ever………….

There was this guy called Paul (that is his real name) and he was the driver of a Securicor Van (they delivered lots of money around to banks etc. in the 1990’s). He was a real scrawny little man, about 6 feet in height, balding on top but had this little rats tail running down the back of his head, he looked and acted like a weasel, he was very unpopular on the wing. I was talking to him one day in the exercise yard with a few others that I hung around with, I asked him what he was inside for and he told me……

He said that he stopped the lorry outside a bank, his co-worker got out to drop some money off and no sooner had the other guy entered into the bank and Paul then decided to drive off, with a million £’s in the back! A MILLION POUNDS I said and he was like YUP. I said, Fuck so you got away with a million pounds??…..hmmmm he replied sheepishly……I didn’t take a million because I didn’t have a big enough bag to put the money in! WHAT I replied, you didn’t have a BIG ENOUGH BAG!!! and laughed….. No he said, I got away with £24,000! Now there were three of us on his back saying WHAT??? You didn’t have a big enough bag?? No he replied, so I just took what I could……and then he went on to tell us ‘but I had a great time’. ‘OK’ I said, ‘what did you do’? ‘I went on holiday’ he said……’ok where did you go I said’? ‘I went to Spain’!!! ‘So you had a million pounds in the back of the lorry, you took 24k and the best place you could go was Spain’!! ‘Yeah’ he replied ‘and I bought a fast car’……’OK what car did you buy’ we inquired inquisitively?? ‘I bough an Astra GTE’ – again we reiterated – ‘1 million in the back, you went to Spain and bought an Atra GTE – YOU FUCKING PRICK’! we all jeered!

Oh it gets better….he went on to tell us that when he got caught, he handed back £15,000 HAHAHAHA – ‘so you got away with £9k’? – two of the guys who were with me talking to Paul were in for nicking lorries – ‘we’d have paid you £24k to nick that lorry you muppet’!!  Now you have to put this into perspective, there are people in life who rob and kill someone for £100 pounds, yes £100!!! This guy has had the once in a lifetime opportunity to nick £1,000,000 without hurting anyone – we were like – ‘YOU DESERVE LIFE YOU DICKHEAD’! He walked around like he was the smartest guy in the nick but in fact he was the dumbest – what a missed opportunity – wish I’d met him before he’d done that, I used to think!

There was this other guy, ‘what you in for I asked’? He told me that he was owed £10k by this woman and thought that it would be a good idea to kidnap her cat and hold it ransom……..hahahaha……whenever we were in the exercise yard we’d MEOW as we’d walk past……….these little stories still amuse me as much today as they did back then.

So on my 6 hour journey to Norfolk I was keeping myself amused but also thinking about what this next prison was going to be like……I’d heard real horror stories about this place – then again one thing I learnt was prisoners really like to wind other prisoners up with untrue tales – man do they like to bullshit in jail!

After what seemed like an eternity we arrived at Wayland Prison, dripping with sweat it was like I’d sat in a slippery sauna for 6 hours but I was relieved to be getting out of this sweaty little box. We were unloaded off the lorry and ushered into a holding cell, it was grey and wet out side and all we could see was large brick building with razor wire surrounding them – at least Brixton was a beautiful Victorian building, this place looked like an American hardcore prison (from what I’d seen on TV) this is what I thought prison would look like, only a million times worse! While we were waiting I remember watching a group of prisoners walk past our cell…….we were shouting at them but they were saying nothing back, heads hung down low………..later we’d find out that these were the nonses, sex offenders, pedophiles or whatever you call these sick scumbags….but at that time I didn’t know – I was just thinking shit, this place doesn’t look good!