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PART 55: My wife cheats on me but the next relationship almost kills me, literally!

…….you’re not really interested in my year 2000 events, you want to read about all the bad and wrong things that have happened in my life, don’t you… honest??

For the next couple of years life was pretty normal, business was amazing, had to let some staff members go, even the wife went!

Funny story that, I was downstairs in the apartment where we lived, it was a warehouse that we both lived in, huge high ceilings, the bedroom was located on top of the kitchen. There was a spiral staircase leading from the ground floor to the bedroom, when you got up there it was a bit like a boxing ring, all open plan and a rope that was strung between posts that stopped you falling down, so no walls. I was downstairs and Lucy was in the bedroom and as I was getting ready to come upstairs I could here tap, tap, tap and I said to Lucy ‘what you doing’? She replied ‘eeerrrr just drinking my water’! Seemed strange but I didn’t think anything further.

I woke the next day and when I opened my eyes, Lucys phone was on the bed – now I have never checked a phone in my life, not in my nature, I’ve never been that bothered – but this one time I decided to have a look. As I opened the phone the text message that was last sent was ‘I haven’t been able to sleep properly since our first kiss x’

I woke Lucy up, picked her up out of the bed naked, walked her down the spiral staircase, which is a feat in itself and put her outside the apartment. I then proceeded to pick all her belongings up and put them out side in the hallway with her, I called her father and told him to come and pick his cheating daughter up…….and that was the last I ever saw her!

Who needs people in life like that, if you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone, at least have the balls to say it before you start cheating! I’ve never been the best in relationships but over time you learn how to behave – they say what goes around in life comes around – so I can’t say I didn’t deserve it – and if I was honest, I questioned why I was in the relationship because it just felt like the relationship that my mum and dad were in and I didn’t want to be in it – the trouble was, my brother being a teacher at the same school as her dad, made it hard for me to get out of it BUT this was the answer that I needed!

A good friend of mine thought that I was really affected by this break up! Funny story how I met him….funny to me anyway!

So I’d met him when I wanted to buy this other exact apartment to where I lived at the time, it was perfect and I really wanted it, so i offered the full asking price there and then when I went to view it. The trouble was, there was another guy looking around the apartment at the same time as me. Now, the owner of the apartment has accepted my full asking price offer that I’d put to him at the viewing but he called me later on that day and said that the bloke who was also looking when we were there, his name was let’s say Gavin, it’s not his real name, he had also offered the asking price. So, I asked this guy how much he wanted extra from me to secure the deal. He said if I paid an extra £8,000 it was mine! No problem I said and, just to make sure no one else could offer more, I also rented it off him for £1,800 a month, just to secure the deal.

So, a few months later I saw Gavin as I was looking out side the window, he pulled up outside in his distinctive convertible M3 BMW. I opened the window and shouted “Oi” down to him. He looked up and I said ring bell No. 39 and I’d let him in. As he walked into the apartment he stopped dead in his tracks, looked around and uttered ‘what the fuck……this is my apartment’! Was it, I said smiling, and then I apologised that I’d bought it from right under his nose….we eventually laughed, fortunately! To be honest, he’s a massive guy, built like a brick shit house! As it turned out later on in life, he never really forgave me for buying that place….oh how I still laugh…..but you had to have been there really!

Let me describe Gavin, beautiful looking, no I’m not that way inclined but he is a good looking guy, I’ve never met a man who can pick stunning women up the way he does, so effortlessly. So he’s 6ft 4″ tall and built like a big Ox and from Caribbean decent – not that that makes any difference, just trying to paint a picture for you.

This is how stupid he can be though……the dumb fuck, as he’s affectionately known! He was filling his car up in this rough part of London one day and went to pay the attendant. Cleverly, he left his keys in his brand new M5 as he walks to the kiosk to pay the attendant, when all of a sudden he sees a man jump into the driver’s seat of his car…….he told me he ran to his car like a mad man, punching at the window, because the new occupier locked it as it drove off.

So, Gav came round to see me and explained what had happened but all I could do was laugh! He obviously wasn’t amused but we had to laugh, what use was crying! Now, his insurance didn’t want to pay out as they said he’d left the keys in the car and it was his own dumb fault….but I came up with a plan. I knew that particular petrol station where Gav had had his car stolen, because I used to give the homeless guy who begged there, money or fags every time I went. So we hatched this story with the homeless guy, that he had watched Gav walk to the car and as he did, he said he saw his keys drop out of his pocket, then he saw this other guy pick them up and that was the guy who stole it! It worked and eventually he got paid out……but he shouldn’t have had to do it that way, people make mistakes and that’s what insurance is for!!

Anyway, we became inseparable after that and still remain close friends all these years later, even though I made £100,000 on my purchase. The funny thing was, he bought the place I was going to buy before I bought this apartment and he only made £5,000 – he still says to this day that I owe him the difference…..haha…..funny cunt…..which is exactly what he turned out to be, he’s now a famous comedian!

After my break from Lucy, he was always saying that I should come out with him and meet a new woman but I just wasn’t interested, I just wanted to stay in. Not that I was affected, I just liked having my own space at that particular time, which was very rare for me back then, but as the years have progressed, I absolutely love my own space, gives me time to write!

***Let me quickly explain a relationship breakup in the way I see it……you know when you get a thorn in your finger, it hurts right?? Well, once you’ve dug that little sucker out and squeezed the infection out, it throbs for a while yeah? Provided you leave the wound alone it will heal, if you keep picking at it, the infection can stay around for longer and be painful – but as soon as you leave it, it heals and soon enough, you never even know that the thorn was ever there! And that’s how I see a failed relationship – the sooner you move on and don’t keep picking at it, the sooner life gets better – works for me anyway! ***

I decided to go out with him one night down to Southend in Essex, his mate owned a nightclub. I’ve always hated going to nightclubs, loud, busy and full of people looking for trouble, well that’s how I’ve always found them. Anyway, I went along with him and he just so happened to bump into a girl that he’d chatted up the week before, in a different club in London, and she had a friend. We were introduced, well how we were introduced was laughable, Gavin said this is Georgie (not her real name) and she just got divorced after being married for one week and of course, I’d just split……so yup, a match made in heaven of course!

Remember this is meeting in a nightclub where it’s very dark and incredibly noisy, the thing I remember most about the first time I met her was she’s only small, 5ft 2″ but with massive boobs, I mean Dolly Parton style! For her small frame, they just seemed massive. Anyway, we had a brief chat and then swapped numbers and arranged to meet in the coming week.

She came round mine, I cooked a dinner we chatted and she seemed really nice, nothing sexual happened. Now, this girl, Georgie was from Essex, a County where the girls are renowned for being open about sex, but this girl was different…and when I say different, I mean DIFFERENT!

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